How to Survive the Nature of Being Good-Natured

     One of my employees who is a very good-natured fellow got a call at work recently from his aunt asking him to come home and help her with something.  Now "Joe" would do anything to help anyone without question (especially friends and family).  He seemed somewhat stressed out about the call and when I asked if everything was alright he talked quite a bit about how his aunt could take care of it herself but never does, and how lonely she is, and how she needs to find more friends and call her other family , etc. .  In short, he made up every reason he could think of to excuse her for asking him (again) to do what she could do herself.  Subconsciously he did this so he would not feel badly for being exasperated about her call.  After all........he really loves to help others out!

     I know the feeling well.  I consider myself to be a fairly good-natured guy and I too thrive on the good feelings one gets from being helpful.  The problem is that some people tend to lean on others to the extent that they become dependent on it.  Good-natured folks can be so easily taken advantage of that it becomes easy for others to ask, and when one "thrives" on helping out, it is easy to say yes whenever asked.  This is not healthy for anyone.  It leads to unconscious resentment.    When the person doing their best to help out starts feeling resentful for being asked (so much!) they will often become angry at their friends, family and themselves!  Not fun or good-natured people to be around at this point.  Of course this is not what anyone intends.

     When I discovered this about myself I learned that I had to get past the irrational anger and self-loathing.  I first decided that it was okay to be a generally helpful person.  In fact; I wish more people were more helpful.  Next I decided that I wanted to live my life with people taking advantage of my good nature but not abusing it.  Simple! Right?  I have actually found it quite easy to tell people that "I want you to take advantage of my good nature but please don't abuse it".  I don't usually do this unless I start to feel a little abused.  At that point I can either speak up or allow the abuse.  This is very important:  If I allow someone to abuse my good nature I have made that choice myself and I cannot resent them for it!.  I can certainly be a bit angry with myself if I truly feel I have done too much, but then again; my choice.  I can really feel good about it if I choose.  Positive empowerment.

    stw